The end of 2007.

Today is the last day of 2007...

Normally ppl would say;" This year has past quickly.. So fast..."

But to me... It isn't the case...
I felt this year has been a painful yet fulfilling year..
This year time has past quite slowly i must say.

Whatever it is, finally it have come to the end of this year.
I must say...
I had never cry so much; drop so many tears before,
I had never enjoy so much; doing a lots of different things with my friends,
I had never felt so pain in my entire life till i felt de-oxygenated till i faint,
I had never felt that my friends and family actually care so much for me,
I had never felt how is having a true friends like,
I had never felt so clearly of what love is like,
I had never been so clear that what type of ideal life time partner i been looking,
I had never been so fat before in my life!!
I had never have a '2" been in front of my age,
I had never done so much baking and cooking in my life before,
I had never met so much difficulties in my life before,

Last but not least,
I never done and solve so much to improve my life.

BUT NOW I HAD!!!

Although is a roller coaster year,
but this a year that will led me to better years to come.
I just have to believe.

I have a good feeling about next year...
Well.. don't ask me why...
It's just a feeling.
I have my resolution... Hope i can make all come true...
hee hee...
Well...
I will try my best de...

New year footstep is coming..

Happy NEW YEAR to all my FRIENDS!!!
LOVE ya~~~

Thank u BQ!!

Hee hee... This is my BEST Friend.

And the gift above is give by HER!!

It is so so beautiful!! Love it SOOOOO MUCH!!

Hope is can really carry me to my prince.
And it will be a dream come true...

Thank B!! LOVE U!!! MUACK!!

So close.

You're in my arm,
when all the world has gone.
But music playing on,
for all it's real.

So close together,
and when i with you.
So close to feel you alive.

All like close by,
and when the dream will start.
So i will bit mine goodbye and never known.

So close with waiting,
waiting here with you.
And now forever unknown..


All i wanted...
To hold you so close...


So close,
to reaching that famous happy end...
Almost,
Believing this one no pretending...
I look beside me,
and look how far we have come...

So far we are... So close.

O...
How could i dance the fancy steps.
If I shouldn't lose you now..

We're so close to reaching that famous happy end.
Almost,
Believe in this one not pretend.
Lets go...
On dreaming..
Though we now,
We know...

So close... So close... Still SO far...

My birthday celebration!!

Well well well....

As u all know i have been welcome to the club 20 le..
So sad.. Old again...

But it's ok...
I made use of this precious opportunity to enjoy!!! haha

Well.. I have start my 'so call 'celebration on the thursday,sat ,sun then monday!!
17th of dec.
Haha... so happy..

In summary, i have went to eat splendid meals( at fish &co. and Waraku And my special dinner prepare my may hua, BQ and jess-So touch o!! U gals cook for me!!)), K box
and went to NEW ASIA BAR & SENTOSA.
Well... It's a dream come true to go new asia bar and sentosa to celebrate my birthday...
Haha.. Well... Although go so many places and do so many things in this short period but i really really enjoy myself very much and i'm quite energetic though...
haha..I feel so ALIVE!! haha..

It has been an great experience to celebrate my birthday at the new asia bar..
It's ROMANTIC there... Wow... 71 story high...
I blow my candle to high up in the sky close to the stars with the lighting under my wishing...
It's like lighting up my wishes.. It's like a dream come true..
It's breath-taking i must say...

After a wonderful night on sat and a heart-felt celebration on sunday,
monday the trip to sentosa it has mark a beautiful full-stop of my 20th birthday.

At sentosa, i enjoy the little LUGE ride, Siloso beach, Underwater World, Pink dolphin The 4D magis, Riding the Skyride with rain and beautiful lighting around(It's ROMANTIC!!) and last but not least the "SONG OF THE SEA"!!

The Song of the sea is a short performance with fanciful laser lighting, water splash, fire and mini fire works.. I must say the combination is so so good and wonderful.It simple brighten my heart.
The 4D magis is also a short moive with special effect like water splash, wind and some funny effects. Although some part is is scary( MAde me scream.. Oops)but is quite fun la..

As for the rest i must say Underwater world jelly fish is beautiful and the fishes there are HUGE!!
Is it that we feed them too much? And they hardly exercise ???
Haha..

I had my lunch at the Siloso beach eating jap.. haha
It's quite an different experience to eat jap at the sea side..
haha...

I would like to thanks to all my friends who celebrated my birthday with me.
All these wonderful experience would not have happen without u gals!!!
LOVE U SO SO MUCH!!! MUACK!!

U neo who.

This is for u neo who:

->Clinique, pore minimizer refine serum.
->Avene, smoothing serum.
-> Avene, Cleanance K
->Eucerin, Reinigungs Maske.

This are some of the different prince range...
Thank u!! Muack!!

It just a day...

Today i happen to read an old magazine, and found an article about the old fashion parent match-making.

Well, it is an article that is close to my heart i would say.

It talk about the old fashion type of match making by parent is coming back into trend.

Also, it talk about the pros and cons about such match making.

Of course, nowadays this type of match making is not about just parent,it include ur sliblings as well.

Seriously, sometimes i feel that it would be good if my parent just find a good suitor.

And i don't need to worry, just rest my mind and enjoy my single life now till they find one and intro. Wouldn't that be GREAT?!!

Maybe i'm tire to wait, seach for the one le...

As it don't seems to be coming at all...

Dishearted...

He already have a gf le.. But look at me...

What i'm i doing still?

Single for like so so long?

OMG!!

Ok... I know i cannot be so dishearted...

I'M STILL YOUNG....

okok..

But there is one part that is the juice of it:

"Meet, meet,meet agian.

Don't rush into things/relationship,

don't put too much pressure,

don't made a decision to early,

And DON'T stop believe in LOVE."

That's is an simple and good advice.

Haha...

After reading that i felt energize!! haha

Just open my heart to know more ppl and find the right one

who love me and i love him..

Shaker fries!!

Hey PPL!!
This is how u going to prepare a SHAKER FRIES!!!

To be able to shake this fun u must:
1) Gather thinbgs
2) Put the fries in the bag.
3)Open their secret.
4) Pour it in the bag.
5) Then u fold down the bag opening.

Finally, Shake SHAKE shake!!!

haha... it just so simple!!

My first try in Roller BLADE!!!

Hey, ppl i have my first try on roller blade o!!

All thanks to Mei Hua i manage to learn to blade forward Straight.. haha...

Well... Can't really turn when blade or stop properly... 

I didn't manage to have the chance la...

Cause when i getting faster and faster on the blade i feel SO SCARE!!

And i only manage to blade for one hour only... cause the shop close at 9pm.

I reach there at 7.45 pm... Wahaha...

Hmm... Well... when i scare i start to scream...

HAha... Arm... ya i think my scream is echo the entire east coast..

Oops.. haha...

O well...  It a very wonderful expirence i must say.

Haha.. I will practice more if i have the time.. IT'S SO FUN!!

Even the screaming was fun!!

Of course not just fun i gain... I got back pain...

Cause in the process i fall 2.5 times..

Haha... the first time is on my back..

It all come so suddenly...

So just fall lo..

till now it still hurts..

OMG.>>

After the blade we went to have our dinner at the east coast hawker center...

I and my friend a couple of good food!!

well, good food normally don't mean healthy food..

haha.. 

It's was a splendid meal and time spend..

I enjoy so so much!!

Thank u my friend.

This type of negative feeling have been with me for too long of a time.

I know that if this carry on is very unlike me.

I have never been like this before.

But thanks to this experience, I have gain certain things in my life.

Although i have loss my love, I gain friendships, the care from my mother and FREEDOM.

Well, now i have even more freedom in a way. 

As i can travel next year!! Well.. Cause my mum thinks that i should have an break.

So somehow she agreed!! haha.

Also i want to thanks all my friend who stand by me all this while.

I know it is not easy for u all to listen to my sadness, tears and pain.( Even in the mid-day, mid-night)

And to comfort me all this while, stay with me, scold me, give me courage and advice to move on.

And to what u have done, i can't let u all down.

Somehow i must give myself courage to move on with a happier life.

Hmm... I know i'm not that bad la... Surely got ppl who will likes me.(I hOPe)

Well... All this is part of ur phyco ah.. haha..

haha

I know i'm YOUNG, I know it is no wrong to be SINGLE now,

I know this is the time i should EXPLORE and ENJOY my youth while SINGLE.

I know i can SPEND MORE TIME doing the things I WANT, LEARN what i always want to learn, ETC.

Haha.. All these words, u all have told me more than hundred and one times le la.

Well... Somehow the bullet have went into my head la.

I will not forget how each of u help me to pull through all this time.

I will not forget. 

THANK U ppl!!

And last but no least... REMEMBER to help me spot my prince ah...

HAHa... Remember he have to save me de o!! haha.. JJ

Thanks for ur command. Appreciated.

I'm don't feel that i'm always been love.
As the hurt he gave my is more than any hurt i felt in my entire life. If he really love me to that extent, he would be bold enough to love me back.
But maybe he don't really love me as it seems sometimes, cause i felt that he is bold to break my heart to heal other people heart. That's very kind of him.
This type of hurt is far more than he ignore me.
And he don't neo how my life has been...
Probably he don't care and not interested at all..
If then.. he would know that i'm suffering.
I'm feel that i'm dying.
I'm speechless.
There is nothing i could say..
Tears have done all the work.
I must say to have people to love u and by ur side now.. U are fortunate...
U are fortunate.
I really envy u. Really.
I'm all alone..
Heart have broken. A life without heart is no life at all.
I'm All all alone in this storm..
To seek for survive.
It's harder than i thought.
If u ever see this blog again ,Thanks for ur comment.

I'm so sad and hurt. Who is there to heal my heart?

I today feel terribly sad and hurtful.

It just emotion that take over me.

I cry just as hard as that night... so so hard.

My tears roll off on my dried cheek again.

Although my heart is broken but why the pain is still there?

Why when there is nothing left i still feel so suffering?

Why when i feel so so empty but sadness step foot on it?

Why nobody can heal this heart, maybe i don't deserve to get heal like others.

If i own u anything, all this pain, suffering and tears, I think is enough to pay back to you.

I left with nothing le. Really empty.

I'm not brave enough at times, i'm not really happy at times.

Cause I'm just a normal gal whose heart is totally broken.

My world might not be upside down.

But without u, i feel i have loss an very important thing.

However, i lost it. 

Nobody and heal this heart anymore. Nobody can.

Enchanter

I HAVE WATCH ENCHANTER!!! 

It' s a film that i long to watch it.

I love to watch fairy tales, somehow i believe in it.

They are just so beautiful, isn't it?

Although i must say the movie Enchanter is a bit wield, but it's still lovely and touching.

Well, to find a true love is not easy and full of uncertain.

Cause u would know which one is ur true love.

If by eating the poison apple would let i identify who is ur true love. 

I would mind eating it.

Even the one i love didn't manage to save me.

But if i could sleep forever like that.. 

I'm contented.. 

I envy sleeping beauty, cause she can sleep till happiness find her and save her.

I'm not her, i will need to seek for my own happiness.

In fairy tales, nothing is powerful and greater than love.

Even i believe on it but the fact is i living in a NO "Happily ever after" place .

Although to seek fairy tales is what i hope for.

But I know that it is not very possible for me.

However, i need to live with it.

So i find another type of happiness.

Which maybe not love like boy gal friend, but the love from my friends and parents.

And i seek for the life i wanted, like pursue some thing i wanted to do in life.

I don't wish to miss the chance again to pursue the other things i wanted.

I wanted a simple life.

And i'm trying hard.

Blessing

In my bottom of my heart,

I don't wish anybody to face and expirance the same thing as me..

It's unbearable....

I don't wish to hurt anyone..

I have been hurt, i don't wish to know of more injuries...

May all fairies, bless me.

Halo!!

Halo.... 

It has been a long time i post my blog le..

sorry

Well... I have been my down side for quite some time but now i feel "free".

haha... Well..

i will try to post blog often as promise... haha

Recently i have been watching a lot of dramas, movies and animation.

Esp. on fairy tales!!! I LOVE THEM!!

Esp CINDERELLA!!!! OMG

Cinderella have part 3.. And i watch it..

It teaches me the way to feel for my love

haha

well... this is how i put it in simple terms.

It is thought the touch of the hands and u will feel the connection between the two of u.

It sounds ridiculus...

But i believe it...

And,

Even we can't be together,

But to think of liking u,

Happiness have surround me.

It is an unexplainable feeling.

There is no future in us...

I'm one-sided.

But i still grateful that u appear in this point of my life.

If one day, there would be a day,

We can be friends,

It would be a DREAM COME TRUE!!

To make a dream come true,

It takes lots of courage and determination.

And it's not just plain fate.

I'm speechless

Ya ya ya...
YA la... I long time nv updaye my blog le...

Well... For some good reason de ok??
Forgive me la...

But i really don't neo what to write up to now...
Cause too many le...
 Wanna to neo don't look up on mocca
But to ur Hp and call mi instead o!!

haha..

Nothing.

Nothing emo in my mind lately...
Just plain worries and problem that need to be solve.

Haiz...

I don't wish to say what it is..
Plus, it''s too many liao!!! Don't bother...

No matter what is it that i'm facing...
I'm trying my best to solve and improve on the situration...
Of course it will take some time but
i'm confident that i can make it though.
I'm giving myself time that the thing i want will happen.

{Wow... this type of words don't seem
to be coming out from my mouth...
Unlike the previous me ba..}

Whatever it is i will jia you de!!!

Somthing seems to matter but it don't seems to be the case...

Ironic...

I'm feeling a mix feeling...
I'm not lost in what i need to do or what i going to do.
But rather i feel more like giving up what i feeling...
Cause it is irritating and i feel that i'm so deprive from
freedom in that few mins or hours.

Anything that i have to give up my freedom i will give up on that stimulate.

Simple.

I feel so tire.........
I wanna to start certain thing anew
but sometimes it just too difficult and not possible.
I couldn't care anything that is none of my concern.
I need a happy hoilday break for myself mentally.
I need a partner to accompany top go crazy and happy about
things in life...

NOT a boyfriend like in thise BGR relationship...
I got hurt and disappointed in it...
I need to heal...
I need to gain confident over it....
Also, i need to gain back wat i lost..
That's a lots...

Probably i will never retrive what i lost and what i want.
But it doesn't matter anymore.
I just want to live each day happily as i wanted.
I don't want to be like somebody.

Something, Sometime

It's been sometime since i blog...

Things are getting hectic...
I need some rest i guess...
I need an holiday for real...
But come to reality... No TIME.

Well... 24 hours to me is really not enough...
So many things to do and so many i wan to do...
Well.. I think god give us 24 hours a day is to give limits
and lets us set our prority...
Is a punishment and Enlighterment..

So that we can chrish the moment we have...

Well... This coming tuesday i have
2 ICA project to present in a single day...
Wow.. hectic... And i start to do up the powerpoint on sat...
Lots of things happen and need to handle..
No time for my yoga this whole week...
After the presentation i will wan to catch up what i miss...

I WAMT TO WATCH MOIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
DYING TO GO OUT AND CHILL!!!!!!!!!

Upside down

Since school re-open...

Lots of thong got to do...
Lots of things happen as well...
I don't seems to be coping very well...
Haiz...
It just like i'm being dump into the sea cannot swim and breath...
Just sink... i hate that...

haiz... now hope to do finish my project asap..
I dun wan to drag anymore even i don't go to school i wan to stay at
home to finish wat is un-done..
things have left there to long of a time that i quite sick of it..
I really hope that i can do more... Lots more the waht i'm doing now..

Haiz... Hope i can pull it through...
I have no time for emo stuff and things like that i too occupated with the
thing i need to handle and face..

Things that i wan and need to do seems to be pile up everyday...
I deprive from my wans...
I wan to go yoga...
I miss the days, where after school just go straight to yoga... no need to stay in school,
no need to think too much..
Now i have to stay back in school for things and go hospital to visit my grandma...
Hiaz... simply i need and want to do a lot of hings...
The 2 "S" man.. Sad and Sianz lo...

P.S: i hope we can just be like that... Less stessful and can just let our
thing settle down for other things.

Wake up.

For the past 24 hours i have spent time with myself:

Do what i want to do( Slacking) like reading,
watching tv program, doing yoga, eat and sleep...
Well... Simply say is to relax and don't care about anything..
Haha... it's feels good!!!

Hmm... Probably somethimes i meet such a therpy for myself...

Now my mind is in a clearly state...
Start to feel lighten... No longer feeling so sad and confuse..
It's like i have detoxify my soul...
Wow... It definatly feels good.... Feels awake.

This is not the best part of the day the best part is that i receive the mail from
sistic about the 'Swan lake on ice' is coming to singapore in  sept!!
O MY GOD!!
 I blust into happiness to receive such a mail!!!
YEAH!! THEY ARE COMING!!! YEAH!! THEY ARE COMING!!!

I swear i going to watch it!! No matter at what cause i will love to watch it!!
A bit like dream come true just that is only the swam lake not cinderella..

If is the cinderella it would be the BEST le!!
Hmm... dunno got such a performance a not??
But never mind... SWAN lake is equally good!! YEAH!!

Whatever it is i got to find ppl to watch with me ah...
BAO QI???.... Canu watxh with me?? Pls.....
 

The love sign

Yesterday read on a book on
' A new approach to the human heart: Linda goodman's LOVE Sign."

Well... it's somehow accurate la...
But what i like about the book is that it somehow solve the
question which long for...
The question on why my first ex bf would damp me...
Somehow what it wrote about saguttarius and gemini don't match
and the reason of it...
After reading it there is not much of a reason but just that a gemini to me is
just tooo cruel cause because of their own personality and hurt me anyhow..

My GOD that's so true...

Tire, sick: This is unlike me...

What i going through now is a transition of not feeling for him...
This is actually what is going on...
But the fate have a play on me, i guess.
Cause the sudden set back from him, made things a bit complicated.

Haiz... Once agian i brought upon myself...

Now, i seems to be waiting for things to happen and i can't predict anything.
Cause the situration is not in mine or his control...

To worry so much it just isn't me at all...
I seldom worry for things for long... But this time it caught me some time..
I really sick of it...

Arm... anybody got any cure for me??

Is this my decision??

This few days i not feeling ok at all... honestly...
After talking to him about his courtship and think about myself
i feel that it would be so much easy if we just get back together...
Things would be so much simple and easier on me..

But i'm confuse....

I'm very uncertain about wat is my stand, my feel, and my take.
Even if i want to get back...
Then would he accept me?
I don't wish to fight for anything...
But on the other hand i can't sit here and wait for mircle...
Cause mircle don't seem to happen on me.

What type of fairy tale i would fit in??
I don't neo...
More like the little mermaid??
I have give up domething to just want to be with him with a no
garantee that he would be with me in the end...
I'm tire...

I thought dancing can make me don't think,
but i feel so empty that this matter fills my whole soul...
I must handle lots of things in my life..
But i still feel the sense of  emptiness...
This cause me to think..
This made me feel that all stress and all matter in my life seems
to be so small that it nothing compare to this...

O my god...
When this thing going to end??
I feeling sick now..

Wow.. so accurate...

Hey ppl!!!

I done a personality test and it is so so accuarate
that i simply cannot believe it lair...

haha...

Come i share with u what it says about mi k...

"You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back... so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.

The situation at this time is one of considerable distress. You feel trapped and you are looking for some way out. You can find solace in the arms of someone who cares so long as there is no long-term emotional involvement.

It is said that we are all influenced by our environment and indeed you are no exception. It would seem at this time that even though you may be surrounded by people, you are experiencing an inner loneliness. Fortunately you are sufficiently strong minded to realise that life has a great deal to offer you and that you may miss your share of experiences if you fail to make the best use of every opportunity. You therefore pursue your objectives with a fierce intensity and are prepared to commit yourself deeply and readily. You believe that whatever you would like to do or think 'you can do' - you do! It is because of this attitude that you may be considered by others as arrogant and even conceited, but its fair to say that whatever it is that you really want out of life you will put your heart and soul into it and will not take 'NO' for an answer.

You have so many ideas that you would like to revitalise but you need to realise a stable and peaceful condition to do so. Once you can free yourself from all the aggravation and tension around you, you will make strides that may amaze you. You will not be prevented from achieving all the things you so desire."

Wow... so accurate...

No title.

It's been sometime since a write something in this blog le...

Lots of changes happening... Emotionally in a chaos...
But's i'm sure it is turning good and better than bad...
hopefully...

I'm still in a muti- storm, situration are getting better for some of them
But not all of them...
I have yet survive, rather i hide in a shulter and wait.
The feeling can be very terrible at times.

Looking out in the storm, it's seem so far.
But the acture fact is that i'm living in it...

Fear has set in my heart...
Uncertain that any moment i can just sweep anyway by the storm with my shulter.

It is not the best emotion to go through but at least is the best out of the few in the past.

New focus.

New focus is a good thing to heal up wound.
Finding a new and chanllgene thing is good, esp. it will takes up my mind
,heart and emotions.

This way less energy and time i can spent on things that are painful, hurtful.

Having new aims and goals keep me drive on in everyday life.
It's feel good in keeping me alive in this way... haha...
Well... even though is quite stressful, but it feels far more better than
feeling sad and hurt.
Stress is far more easier to handle than pain.
haha... It's seem like my pain management not very good.

Even I'm no longer important to some ppl and no longer gracious to some ppl,
not worth for some ppl. But now it don't seems to be so important anymore.

I will want to made those ppl who feel i worth for and important to
feel proud of what i have done and over came.
Not easy i would say...
I haven't achieve yet but I will achieve it....

I feeling that i'm living my own life, with a real me.

Words for myself: I hold on to the dreams that i want.

There is no point upset over peaople who already don't
feel for u...

Don't be cruel to yourself.
live as you are, work for others dreams whick is more possible 
to dreams of and work towards it.

P.S: It is not possible to get together le.
        The feeling and situration is already different.
        Even start over again, it would not be the same anymore.
        The courtship i wish for is something not you can give already.
        If it is not the dreams i once wanna to have...
        I don't want to give up and i want to hold on to it..

Why is courtship so Beautiful?

Why is courtship so beautiful??

Cause you dream to have her by your side; as she is attractive to you.

Cause you love the person like there is no tomorrow; as there is
no garanteen there is a tomorrow with her.

Cause you would do anything to please her, you would not do anything to upset her;
your dreams will beaks if that so.

Cause u know if you upset her, you would lose her almost immediately and forever;
no mistake can be tolerated.

Cause of your be-careful; everything you do seem to be so perfect.

Cause it is  perfect; it is beautiful.

Pain

When one doesn't love u, it is just so different and painful to bear.

It is so cruel...
Who will neo my slinet cry and tears..
Who will pity on me..

Nobody will...

It's just too unbearable...

Why i'm just so useless...
I need to be stronger...

The life that continues...

Broken hearts still bleeds , pain is still there ;
Tears have dried, Loneliness is felt.

Through all this, I have learn to take things easier,
Learn how to accompany myself,
Learn how to be stronger in this siturations,
Learn how to hold back my sadness in front of people,
Appreciate certain things in life.

To learn all this definatly not easy.
Time, changing of mood and physco to myself os needed.
( Esp. I cannot escape from it and must live and see it everyday.)

Since today onward,
Everytime i open my eyes, Even there is no roses blooming,
the smell of roses and the beautiful sight accompany me.
I tell myself,
Today is a good day, it is beautiful to open my eyes to see happiness and miricle
happens around me.

When i said this to myself, then today it will be a good day, no matter what happen,
cause i hope, i want to believe in it ;it is beautiful to live on.

This is a small and simple happiness.
A small small hope andd peace in me.

My love last word

I must admit that once i have destroy a true love that
i have unknowingly falling in deeply in it.

I did not believe it is a true love that i experiancing it at first,
cause it just like a dreams.

To made ot feel like reality, i create anger and imperfection to
feel to pain.

It is stupid and childish.
Yes, i admit it.

When i realise it is my true love ; is when i feel the real pain.
A strong pain that breaks my heart into pieces , tears which
have uncontrol fallen down , heavier than a pouring rain,
a slient cry in my shell-less heart; echoing.

But the time i realise it ,
it's all too late.

I'm no lomger love by the one.
I beinging sweep by reality and the un-love him.

I  hve bought upon myself,
I have lost... Everything of love.

Memories is the only thing it remain i guess.

Even memories is the only thing left,
but it will not turn sour
It will be kept as beautiful as it is,
keep somewhere in my brian, my broken heart pieces,and in my blood stream by my tears.

I feel thankful that i have such a love in my life.
Thank you.

What is love now??

Love,
What it is??

Nobody can define.

But one thing i I'm certain is that,
it consist of one's emotion, feeling , heart, thoughts , time ,
energy, actions , desire , wants and needs.

Even you are not being love, but all this still apply.
As long you have once love, you would understand it...

Only true love can create romance , happiness , sadness ,tears , laughter,
wield emotions that you can't understand it.

When one in love , it just like roses bloom every moment
when u wake up , fill with a sweet pleasant rose smell and the sight of the roses
brings a simple and quiet which made everyday , is a day you look forward to.

Focus in my life

Life is always changing...
It can happen very quickly or slow...
Very drastic or insignificate...

Changings have occur in my life now...
In the mist of it, I have figure the path back to the original.
But of course thing have became different;
Focus also different.

For now i have return to my own-self...
However, not fully there yet and changes occur within me.
good or bad?? I dun neo...

Things that i wanna to focus is going to be different as well...
I wanna to focus in my own life, school work, leisure,
reading on material that is interesting to me, practice more Yoga,
dancing,...

This is for now i guess... things might change... who knows...
I don't want to focus in the painful happening and changing, i want to focus on something else.
It is to painful to carry on if i don't change.. Simply too painful...

Tears have dry, but pain is still there...
To heal the pain is not the matter of time.
But the thinking of it...
Seeing it differently is a good way, focus in different thing is even better...
However, say is easier than do.

I'm trying to do it....
Pls give me all the support and blessing...
I not strong, i'm trying my very best at least.
Don't discourage me or hurt me...
It is too unbearable...

My dreams??

When the clock strike mid-night, my heart breaks.
Each echo of the 12 dong, each tears drop from cheeks.


Love, seems to be drifting away from me.
So far away that it becaome a Neverland.
A land that i might never reach again and stay here.

Maybe, that is not a place that is mean for me.

I wanna to find a place that is fill with peace and joy within myself.
A place that:
                         Have no pain
                                   no tears
                                   no disappointment
                           Fill with Happiness
                                           hopes and wishes
                                           laughter and not just a fade smile
                            &
                           Freedom.

It is not heaven that i'm looking for.
But is a place that i hope to reach in this reality.
Reaching there is definatly not an easy task and journey.
There is no map to it, my only direction is through direction that pieces of my broken heart direct.
It's not just a difficult thing, what it takes the most is patient.
I believe that when my broken heart pieces mend up the last piece that
left before the complete heal up: the direction to the land that i'm been
seeking for.

A land that i called Dreamland.

P.S What is written in this blog is not the actual and complete of
what i have written on the paper, i lost the paper.
This is just a recall of my feeling and what i wrote when it happen.

Sianz....

AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My face swell up like shit lo!!!!
AGGGGG.... SO sad la... sob sob...

The part that is even sad one would be i'm comfine at home lo..
24hours at home... for days is something i haven't been doing for a long long time le..
So sad... Can do whatever i wann a to do... Like yoga, shopping, go dining... haiz.. sob

I slept for 20 hours yesterday after the medication... O dear..
I think i pretty stress up ba...
Hmm.. Today is the 3rd day STO.. still pain and swelling.. I Hope the swelling go away soon..
I don't even dare to go out of my house to buy something... Is  that bad lo...
Anyway... After sleeping so much yesterday, today must do something about my project.

See how's my swelling tml... It's been very bored at home like that... I will go crazy soon if this carry on ba... Haiz..

Removal of my Wisdom tooth.

Agggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I removed my wisdom tooth today....
Actually i have 2 wisdom tooth that need to be remove..
But i scare i cannot tanhan
and scare it will be too painful so i only remove one at a time...
For this time i remove my lower right side wisdom tooth...
I thought it would be a very Tiring and pain process but it is NOT!!! So happy!!
The dentist is very PRO LO... Most dentist told me that my tooth takes ard 45 mins.
Cause my tooth is hidden in my gums de...
But this dentist took the most  ard 20 mins only... WOW!! I feel the whole procedure
is done in a very pro and fast... SO HAPPY!!

NExt what i worry is the swelling... I hope it will go away soon...
But besides the swelling and pain .. My appitate is very good and i can take
most of the food and it doesn't seems too affect me too much...And i think i keep
eating and cannot excerise... THAT IS THE ONE THING the the dentist warn me
STRICTLY!! Haiz.. I got too bide by i guess... Haiz... so soon u will see a even fatter yinshan...OOPS!!

He gave me a 7 DAYS MC!!! WOW!!! It's since a very long time i have such long MC.
i don't think i will take the whole 7 days mc la... i think i will go back too school when i can.. Otherwise, i can't catch up my work... plus there is project work too do... Haiz... i think i got time strain sia... got to work hard le o/...

Hope i will recove soon!!!

Losing myself.

Shadow has been follow me around every second, everywhere i been.. Even in the brightest place, it has been always there.

Pain has been there as it is a scar already. A scar that it doesn't seem to heal. PAin is real, it is the reality, Dreaming is always a dream. I always hope to die, i neo it is wrong to think of that, but i really hope i can aways dream and not wake by reality. No matter how hard i tried in reality, i still can't reach the destination.  Whenever i thought i reaching but it is actually the wrong place that i thought it should be. No one can understand. No one can.

In this stomy battle, i declare i have lost. I have lose myself. Pain which was to be cold and tears which were once frozen have been draw 
by the heat and boil once again. i wish i can stop. But actually i'm not that
 strong afterall. 

i always believe in fairytales, that is something i wanted to believe. 
The prince will accept who u are and who u wanna to be. 
However , in the real life this is not the case for me, that is reality 
that ppl has been ask me to accept.

I'm tire... Tire...
Happy seem ver far away from me..
Even a smile come with drops of tears.......
Maybe i would wan to consider myself as fortunate to suffer this much and not any worse.

I have lost, which direction i should go??
Nethier do i have the answer.

New Resolution for the new sem.

Hmm.... It's has been one week since school re-open. Things are still the same but of course there would be some different.

Maybe because it is my second year in poly, so starting to get use to it and try to adjust my normal self to the "abdnormal" poly life... hahaha... Hmm... thinking of ways to enjoy the time spent in school. { Well... Quite lame though.}

Whatever it is...

I do feel that blogging are for ppl who are not very happy with
 their present life or trying to 
have a better way of living, or do feel lonely ones ...
Those who are happy enough or don't feel lonely at all... they probably don't blog or stop blogging... Hmm.. this is my personal opinion la... By judging this from my surround friends.. But how true it some i'm not sure. 

However, i also do believe that sone percentage of the ppl blog

because of the love to write and share with ppl and To add on things to do online ba...
 haha...

For me... To start a blog and blog probably i would fall in the cat of trying o add things to do online. 
I don't really wanna to blog my daliy life like a routine, Unless is happening to interesting... 
but these things really don't happen on me very often, more of bloging about my thinking if i would write. Cause what i think prbably is hard to say and understand ba...
Otherwise, internet to me is quite useless i would say.{Hmm... Am i youngster of these days??
I wonder... } haha...

For next week, I don't really working... So probably will spent more time on friends and yoga...
I need to lose weight le... enjoying life TOO much lately. haha... LOL...
Wish me all the best ok??
Muacks!! Thanks for the yet to receive blessing from u all... HAha...

Quite looking forward for next week accept today ba... I still need to work... ...

New Sem of my year2

Haiz....
School re-open le... so sad... my holidays over le....
Well, Even though my timetable is like shit. somehow i still  glad that i'm FINALLY in Year 2. HAha... Mix feeling i guess.

This time school re open, i have a different feeling like last time. More able to accept that i'm in ploy and feel that i should enjoy the poly type of life.... to live the life i wan which equal to a carefree life... haha... but that is no such life in poly... ... I realise. however, i still try to stive to it... haha... "When there is a set back in life, it might means fate have a different destiny for u. And it is try to led u to the path." Somehow i just felt so after so much thing ave happen previously.

Maybe trying to get use to the life and ppl in poly, i start to show my real emotional and feelings. well.. it doesn't mean that previously is fake but more reserve i would say. Able to show my real emotional and thought is kinda of real and relieve. Glad that my friend is still with mi.

One quote of what i feel;" Because of pain and sadness, I change. Becuse of change, i feel sad."

My holiday going to be over very soon.... sob sob

My holiday going to be over very very soon le... O NOOOOOOOOOOOOO... I really don't wish that to happen...


Hmm... Maybe it's going to start of my " Hell Days" so in this last week of holiday.. i simply sleep for 12 hours everyday and keep eating.... OOops.... the feeling is like if i don't eat now or don't sleep now i probably don't have the chance to do it again... O Dear... "Live like there is no tommorrow."
HAha... My motto for this week i guess... Well... By not doing much and eating so much,, Arm,,, i gain another 2 KG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Agg... That's a pain in my heart man... AGGGGGGGGGGGG
Losing weight has been my aim for this vacation, but apparently it doesn't appear to be so... Haiz...

never MInd!!! I will start my losing weight programe when my school start my AIM IS ""I WANNA TO LOSE 3KG"!!!" well... Lose 3kg first then slowly slow another few more... Hope to go back to my old size.... Sob Sob.

Nothing much happen during my holidays... Spending time with myself most of the time/ Rest.Haha... In another word:"PIG-ing" haha... Peacefully pasting my time,Eating ,Sleeping ,Dreaming. Haha...

This few days... Dreaming in my sleep has been like a hobby i guess... its seem interesting to dreaming while i sleeping... EXperiancing things happening which probably doesn't happen in the real world... Quite interesting...

Not been thinking a lot acturally but just waiting things to happen i guess... Hmm... What thing that i'm talking about ne.. haha... i guess u all wouldn't knowing... Wanna guess?? Think u all also won't be so bo liao like somebody... haha